


The worst person at the best time

by Aurora_Damigny



Category: Naruto
Genre: Depression, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sasuke is a jerk, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-01-07 13:49:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurora_Damigny/pseuds/Aurora_Damigny
Summary: "The man kneels in front of him as he speaks, louder this time :-Hey, are you listening ?! What are you doing here, you total moron ?Even in his state, he can't mistake the owner of this voice.-.... Sasuke ? He answers, his own voice tired and shaky."- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -In which it was always about saving each other.





	1. Will of ice

He's so cold.  
The usual streams running through the forests and cities at the borders between Konoha and the Snow country have frozen days ago. He's left wondering wether he would be able to run if he decided to have a few minute’s break. The exercise would warm him up at least.

He might, maybe, but he doesn’t really consider it as he keeps fleeing as fast as he can on wobbly legs.  
The blood on his hands is frozen too, in an unpleasant way that makes Naruto wonder if it will stick to him forever.  
It might.  
The wound on his leg has reopened a few hours ago, but he won't slow down to stop the bleeding. He's too scared that if he rests, he will just lie down in the snow and let himself die right here and there, with this scene replaying again and again in his head.  
The silence is stunning, and makes his own footsteps sound like screams to his ears. He can't manage to walk in a ninja-way, with his leg still pounding with pain. He can't imagine what the damages truly are though, with the harsh cold mostly numbing his sensations

 

He had never realized how much he had grew accustomed to Kurama's presence. Before even knowing he was there. His breathing, his chakra that was making his skin itchy when healing him, the weight of his power in his belly. The loss was unbearable, like not being able to hear your own beating heart or not feeling your lungs getting full of air. Like having your blood frozen into your veins and having your body like a death weight on your soul.

Suddenly, a scream echoes in the forest.  
It's close, very close, and Naruto curses himself for not having noticed the presence of other individuals.  
He knows he is in no state to fight, or even to run away without being heard, so he hides behind a large tree, hoping that the smell of blood is not too strong on him.  
For a while, there isn't any new noises, though Naruto can still feel the others near him.  
The absence of movements makes the cold even more unbearable, and the blond clenches his teeth to restrain his shivering, which make his presence even more obvious than it already is.

The pain in his leg becomes hard to handle as the blood flowing out of the wound start to freeze right in his flesh, and he kneels to diminish the pressure. Then, he works on using his jacket to stop the blood for flowing free. The wound wasn't mortal, but it could get infected if not treated quickly, and he doesn't have Kurama to deal with those stuffs anymore. As he quietly tries to press some sensations back in his leg, another scream startles him. The loud sound soon becomes little noises of agony as an odor of burned flesh spreads through the air.

Naruto thinks, that with his luck, it's probably some hired hitman who was asked not to leave any traces behind him. And here he his, a weak little witness to eliminate.  
As to agree with him, steps noises makes it clear that the murderer is coming near his hiding spot. This person does not even try to mask their presence.  
Naruto tries to stand up and attempt to run for his life, but as soon as he puts weight onto his wounded leg, he falls back on the ground as a wave of pain make his whole body convulse.

He joins his two hands to gather what little chakra he has left, because he won't die without a fight, even now.

Gathering his vital energy in his state of weakness is messing with his senses, and his vision is too shady to allow him to see the stranger when he puts a blade against his throat.

At this moment, Naruto knows he will pass out before he even dies. He's just grateful he won't spend his last minutes feeling his skin and bones melt under the fire.  
The murderer talks to him, but he can only hear his blood pulsing in his veins, not wanting to be spilled on the floor, his body fighting for survival even when his mind has given up.  
The man kneels in front of him as he speaks, louder this time :  
"Hey, are you listening ?! What are you doing here, you total moron ?"  
Even in his state, he can't mistake the owner of this voice.  
".... Sasuke ? He answers, his own voice tired and shaky."  
Naruto puts his hands against his skull, trying to silence his brain which feels like it has been reduced to shreds. He feels the wetness, everywhere on the lower part of his body, where his blood keeps streaming. He drops his head to have a good look at his leg, and the blade disappears before he stupidly cuts his own throat with it.  
As soon as moves, he feels himself falling, and he passes out when his head hits the ground.

* * *

 

He can't stop screaming.  
Kurama's chakra is taken from him, cell by cell, atom by atom, and it feels like being dissected. Like being crunched to a molecular level.  
The demon fox tries to hang on to him, and Naruto can feel the suffering of the beast as Madara takes his essence and places it in himself, compressing him into his own power.  
He wonders why he isn't dead, why he isn't already no more than a billion of particles floating in the air. But soothing hands are keeping him in this reality, forcing him to stay right there with an unshakable determination. Those hands keep him alive, in this unbearable, overwhelming pain.  
So he screams.

The first thing Naruto does when he regains consciousness, is trying to locate his wounds. His ninja's surviving skills tells him what to do before he's fully awake, and he opens his eyes the moment he realize that the pain on his cheek means that he's just been slapped.

Sasuke is looking at him, with this expression which manages to be annoyed and arrogant, while still being completely neutral.  
"You wouldn't shut it", he explains when the blond puts a hand against his bruised cheek.  
The rogue ninja is different than when Naruto has last seen him, wearing a dark blue t-shirt and black pants just like Kakashi's. Being in such sober clothes makes him look even more dangerous. Naruto remembers the smell of burned flesh when Sasuke killed his opponent.

Mostly to think about something else, the blond starts to analyze his surroundings. They are in some kind of survival shelter, which must have been inhabited recently since everything is clean and tidy. A few futons are dispatched on the floor, there are a few shelves in a corner of the room, and there is a door that must lead to the bathroom.

  
"What's this place ?" Naruto asks to the ninja sitting on the floor right next to the futon on which he slept.  
"A meeting point, for me and my team, they'll join me when they are done."  
"Done with what ?"  
Giving no answer, the Uchiha stands and leaves the room.  
"Hey, teme !" He screams, but gets no answer.  
At least, some things never changes, Naruto thinks.

  
The pain is a lot more bearable now, and as he sits to check his leg, he finds a thick bandage around it. His blood-soaked pants are nowhere to be seen.  
He then realizes that he should be glad, being with Sasuke, after he practically saved his life. That means he cared, that means he was right and there is still hope for him.  
But he is not happy.  
He can not even convince himself to try and bring Sasuke back to Konoha. He sure doesnt want to go back there himself, not after what happened. He is tired, so fucking tired.  
Beside, his comrade clearly still does not care about him, although Naruto can't imagine why he would bring him here.

  
After a while, Sasuke comes near him and sits on a futon to read some weird book. They stay there in silence for a few minutes, and then the black-haired asks :  
"Are you dying or something ?"  
Naruto looks at him and then frowns.  
"No, I don't think so."  
"I would have never believed that you could shut up more than three minutes without being about to die. Or dead."  
Naruto wants to say ''And you would know, right ?'' but the sarcasm dies in his mouth.  
"You won't talk to me anyway."  
"It never stopped you before."  
"Well I'm fucking tired to speak for nothing. We both know my little speeches are useless anyway."  
A few minutes pass in silence then..  
"So you're giving up then uh ? What about your ''nindo'' ?"  
"Leave me alone, Sas’ke."  
That makes the Uchiha look up, but Naruto does not care.  
He turns towards the wall and quickly falls into a deep slumber.


	2. Save me, kill me, I don't mind

When Naruto wakes up a few hours later, it’s because of the thirst. His throat feels like he swallowed a mouthful of sand and his head hurts like his skull is trying to escape it. He coughs a few time, spitting what little saliva he has left. There should be water in the bathroom, a few meters away, but his body feels so heavy and he has no will left to drag himself there.  
He rests for a few hours before he hears someone approaching. He has his eyes closed to minimize his headache but he knows who it is.

  
When Sasuke shakes his shoulder he yelps in pain, that makes him cough for a very long time.  
He spits in his pillow.  
He doesn’t try to sit.  
When he is finished coughing the Uchiha grabs his hair and forces him onto his elbows. He pulls more to make him sit, but Naruto is a deadweight and lets him rip off a few blond strands. Sasuke lets go and there is a minute of silence during which the blond just breathes between his hands, lying on his stomach.

When Sasuke puts an arm around his shoulders to turn him on his back, Naruto feels the body warmth seeping trough him. He is hyper aware of the brush of skin against his neck. The fingers under his arm, the breath close to his ear.  
It makes him wonder for how long he has not been touched.

  
A tube is forced in his mouth. He is surprised that the rogue ninja would use the medical stuff, but it does oblige him to swallow the water.  
Normally, they use these tubes on unconscious people only. Naruto can see why, lying there while someone holds it in mouth makes him feel like a newborn baby. He spits it out and stutters "Stop, stop." He sits and finally open his eyes. Sasuke looks irritated "Are you done pretending to be sick ? Do you need attention that much ?"

That makes Naruto angry "It didn’t ask you to help me ! You bastard, you left, you’re killing people, you’re weren’t there to protect her, and still you.." He has to breath in a few times to be able to finish his sentence "You come back and take care of me now that it doesn’t matter ? Why me ? Why now ?"  
His little outburst actually drained him of all his energy. He feels completely empty and sad enough that he doesn’t want to be conscious at all. He lets himself falls back unto his pillows and starts to doze off. He feels the other man’s hands on his face. "Hey, moron, stay awake. Don’t sleep." His palms are warm and soft, not at all like a killer’s should be.

* * *

 

He wakes up again because of a feeling of uneasiness. He’s tense, his ninja-skills warning him of a stranger’s presence. He opens his eyes but his vision has became blurry. He can see a spot of red and a figure resembling a woman. "What’s wrong with him if he is not sick ?" Sasuke’s voice asks, somewhere out of his sight. The blurry form answers "His body is still recovering from a huge trauma, but I would say he’s healing well. It’s his mind that’s… I don’t know Sasuke. His chakra is very weird, it’s like he’s not producing enough of it, like he stopped." The room is cold today, and Naruto has the urge the curl in a foetal position to keep warm, but he can feel multiple people looking at him and he is so exposed already. "Is he going to die ?" Sasuke again, always straight to the point, even if he must know that Naruto is listening. "Probably. Why, is he important to you ?" The girl asks, with a voice that tries not to be bitter. "No." The man says. The blond ninja would laugh if he had the strength. At least he won’t leave anyone behind when he does die. "We are leaving tonight" Sasuke adds. The girls moves out of his vision and the black-haired ninja appears in front of him. "If you are not standing by tonight, you’ll starve here all alone." He warns. Naruto doesn’t answer.

After this, he really wishes he could have gone back to the land of dreams, but the cold makes him unable to. He just shivers and shivers and shivers, and no one seems to care to give him a blanket. He won’t ask, though. By the night, his muscles have been contracted so long that his whole body hurts like hell. Four people discuss near him. A male voice "Where are we going now ?" Sasuke "East. To the Kage’s meeting." Another male voice "What about him ?" Sasuke answers "He’s a deadweight. Let’s go." There is the noise of the rogue ninjas moving around the room, and then everyone is gone.

Naruto curls himself into a ball, feeling very small suddenly, in the empty house. He tries to make himself sit, but it’s not strength he’s lacking, it’s will. After being called the most stubborn ninja ever by hundreds of people, he doesn’t even have the courage to sit on his ass. Life is full of surprise.  
A while later, he realizes that he is going to die, eventually. Of cold, thirst, anger, or boredom, but still, it might take a very long while and be very painful. He would prefer to end it quickly. He wonders, if he puts his head into his pillow, will he just suffocate right there with no survival instinct to stop him ?  
He does just that.  
It’s uncomfortable at first, then its downright agonizing, then he just feels lightheaded and weird. Right when he starts slipping into oblivion, something turns him around quickly enough that his head smashes the floor. He breathes very deeply and quickly, the adrenaline of almost killing himself making him feel alive enough that he actually kneels on the floor. A hand grabs his neck forcefully, and oh, he doesn’t need to see much to sense that Sasuke is very mad. The man yells "I’ll be the one to kill you alright ?" Naruto nods "Me, and no one else." He nods again, with difficulty as the Uchiha squeezes his throat a little too much.

The rogue ninja puts water and some survival food-pills in front of him, and he swallows everything with diligence. Then Sasuke just grabs him like a backpack and puts him on his back. It’s awkward, of course, but a relief really, to just slump against his body and breath in the warmth of his neck. Sasuke wraps his thick cloak around them both and steps outside.

It dawns on Naruto at this moment how soft his ex teammate is.

There has always been something very delicate and careful about the way Sasuke does things, which was probably part of the reason why so many girls had been in love with him at the academy. Naruto wouldn’t mind being killed by him. If the man sees him as a proxy for his village when he destroys him, it could give him peace, maybe. And the blond doesn’t care who murders him as long as it is not the other Uchiha. God knows people are lining up.

It’s weird to be so close to Sasuke without fighting. He remembers the athletic teenager, but the man is just ripped. Naruto must feel like a light-weight from all the strength he has lost while recovering. He smells like ashes and blood, a calm but bottomless force. Whatever they say about Uhciha’s bloodline, Sasuke doesn’t have the same chakra that Madara. His ancestor’s energy had felt like wild fire, burning too fast, uncontrollable. The younger Uchiha has a chakra like incandescent water, liquid and slow but intrusive and inescapable. But both are horrifying.

Naruto had felt scared, back when he had first seen Sasuke after all those years apart. It had been like the man had no end and no beginning, he was everywhere and nowhere, spreading his chakra full of murderous intent. But now that Sasuke is not in combat mode, it almost feels like old time.  
Except.

  
Naruto wraps his fingers around the other man’s torso, showing his face into his shoulder as he tries to get the thoughts out. He just squeezes himself there like he tried to disappear into him. "Are you hurting ?" The deep voice of the Uchiha resonates trough him.  
"She’s gone" Naruto says.  
"Who ?"  
He struggles to breath like his head is back in the pillow. He can’t say it.  
"Kurama’s gone. It feels so cold."  
Sasuke stops walking for a few seconds. Then they are moving again and for a while nothing happens.  
Then there is a feeling of heat, like stepping into a hot bath. It takes a moment for Naruto to realize that the scary chakra is enveloping him. It makes his heart beat very fast, and he starts sweating. It’s so strange for his body that he has to squirm a little at first. His blood reacts in a way that’s both unexpected and embarrassing. He’s about to say to Sasuke to just fucking stop this when he feels someone else's presence.  
"Sasuke where the hell where you ?" Says the woman’s voice.


	3. And I still love you

She has dark, red and messy hair, a big white cape, and glasses which gives her a perpetual startled look. Naruto is tired just staring at her, and now he can’t say anything about his little problem which Sasuke must no doubt feel against his back. Fuck, fuck, fuck.  
"Calm down, Karin, I was only gone a few minutes. Where are the others ?" Sasuke scolds her coldly and walks past her without looking back to check if she is following. She is.  
"I ran after you but I wasn’t fast enough, Juugo and Suigetsu must be far away by now."  
"Whatever, we’ll meet them eventually. They know where we’re going. "  
"What about him ? Why is he coming with us ? Why are you carrying him ? His legs work just fine you know." She asks with a resentful tone.

  
Naruto wishes he was asleep, but he’s too turned on to even pretend.  
People talking about him like he is not here have alway made him super angry. Who is this girl anyway ? He keeps quiet because if Sasuke does drop him now something is going to become very obvious to her.

Why the hell is he reacting like this to the Uchiha’s chakra ?  
"He might be a useful hostage. And he’s sick, I just don’t know what it is. Now shut up." The dark-haired man answers.

They both walk in silence after this, even though Karin looks like she has a lot of things to say.  
When the night falls, they find a good spot in the forest and unfold two sleeping bags. Naruto gets dropped onto one of them and he watches, useless, as they light a fire and cook some food. Once they all have eaten, Sasuke announces that he will take first watch and Karin goes to sleep.

  
The Uzumaki is not tired, probably because he spent at least three days mostly sleeping.  
"You should rest. I can take first watch." He offers.  
Sasuke raises his eyebrows. "Can you ? What if we get attacked ? You can’t even stand."  
Naruto blushes. He wishes he could help but he still feels like he has no energy at all.  
"What happened earlier anyway ?" The Uchiha asks. For a terrifying seconds, the blond thinks he’s talking about his hard-on, but then the man adds "You tried to kill yourself ? Really, you of all people ? What about becoming Hokage ?"  
Naruto’s laugh has no humor in it. "That’s not happening so… You could say I kind of have no reasons to live anymore."  
Sasuke frowns "What happened ?"  
The ex-jinchuriki shakes his head. He doesn’t want to tell, it would make it too real. And what would his ex teammate think of him if he knew. "You can’t make me say it. " He answers abruptly, but it sounds like he’s begging.  
"Alright, then sleep." The Uchiha orders.  
Naruto obediently lies down and closes his eyes  
"And don’t try that shit again." The man whispers.

Naruto ends up not sleeping at all during the night and spending the next day dozing off on Sasuke’s shoulder. The ninja doesn’t try to envelop him with his chakra again, and his body is really warm so it’s impossible not to feel sleepy. When the night falls the blond feels very relaxed and a deep sadness sets in.They split with Karin as she has to find the two other men. Sasuke puts him back on the sleeping bag and gives him food again but this time Naruto can’t find the strength to eat it.

  
"I’ll force you." The Uchiha warns.  
Naruto shakes his head "I can’t."  
Sasuke sits next to him. Leaning towards him like a dangerous animal. "Because you have no reason to live ? What about me, hm ? What about that stupid little quest of yours, to bring me back to the village and make it all sunshine and rainbows."  
"It doesn’t matter anymore."

As he says it, Naruto realizes how much its true. The promise he once made is already broken, she will never see Sasuke return. None of his dreams will come true. And it’s not even something he can fight.

  
The Uchiha gets him out of his thoughts when he squeezes his knee. The blond raise his head, and suddenly Sasuke is kissing him.  
It’s brutal and almost all teeth, like asserting power. The man presses his hand against Naruto’s torso hard enough to bruise, pushing him into the floor. Then he squeezes his dick forcefully.

  
Naruto freezes in panic and just lets him do what he wants with him, but when Sasuke starts stroking him there, he startles and pushes back against the other’s chest. The Uchiha pins his hands above his head. "What ? Isn’t that what you want ? I felt you the other day, how you react to me. Don’t you love me ?" He kisses him again, and it feels like he is biting his lips. "I should have guessed earlier, really, when you refused to let me go again and again. I’ll fuck you if it makes you stop being a melodramatic bitch."

Naruto hasn’t shed a tear after all that happened, her death, and loosing Kurama, and the village’s betrayal. But right here and now, he starts sobbing uncontrollably.  
It’s really the worst time to realize that Sasuke is right.  
He loves him.

It all makes sense now.  
A childhood spent staring at the Uchiha kid’s back. Becoming louder and louder to get his attention. He had told himself it was hatred when he had started spending his whole days thinking about him.

  
Sasuke, and his careful but ruthless behavior. The way he would let Naruto walk next to him, not giving a damn about the villagers watching with horror and hatred. How he would always save him, and how he would tease him afterwards. It made Naruto feel fragile inside, to be protected this way.  
Sasuke would grab him by the elbow and say "careful, moron, it’s dangerous." and the jinchuriki’s heart would speed up like crazy, because no one else ever told him that. How many time had he hurt himself as a child before that kid started to tell him those basic, necessary things.

  
How utterly terrified he had been when he had thought that he was dead at the land of waves. He still has nightmares about it.

  
He had fought and fought him, just to touch. It still feels special because this physical contact was the only one he had when he was little. Sasuke touched him with purpose and without hesitation, like there was no social barrier between them. He pushed him out of his way, grabbed his arm to drag him along, punched him when he was being an idiot, let their shoulders bump when they walked next to each other.  
Naruto was always left starving for more.  
Sasuke is beautiful, he always was. Because of that, everyone wanted to be near him.  
He seemed to hate it, distancing himself from others, slapping the hands of the girls who reached for him, glaring at people when they came too close. So of course Naruto had felt special. But he had known, unconsciously, that his special treatment was due to the fact that the Uchiha had never imagined what it did to the boy whenever he could grab Sasuke’s arm and feel the soft, warm skin. Naruto had buried it deep inside and told everyone how much he despised that dude.

What kind of scum is he that he never said it. To himself, and to her. He thought he was in love with her. He had said it to her many times. He lied.  
He’s so filthy, such a waste of space.  
He’s going to be sick.  
The Uchiha lets him go when he starts gagging and he turns around to throw up, still crying frantically.  
He loves him.  
And Sasuke hates him, detests him so much that he just had to show him how disgusting he is.  
Naruto looks at him, his gorgeous face perfectly impassive. "You bastard." The blond weeps, his voice broken. "Why ? Why do I love you so much ?"  
Sasuke shrugs like he honestly has no idea, and the Uzumaki could almost laugh at his carelessness.  
"Don’t ever touch me again, or I’ll cut my wrists with my own teeth." Naruto warns. He has to lean against a tree to stand up but he does. He manages to put a few meters between him and the other man before he has to sit.  
He cries during the whole night, and Sasuke doesn’t move.


	4. The air between us is toxic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ! 
> 
> First of all, thank you so much for your comments and support ! Please don't hesitate to give me your opinions, and to warn me if I made a spelling mistake or anything, because english is not my first language :)  
> Since some people seemed confused : This fanfiction is a work in progress. It will be between 7 and 10 chapters, depending on how fast the story unfolds. I don't post regularly as I have a really irregular schedule ahah.  
> Hope you enjoy this new chapter !

So, at least, Naruto can walk now.  
Apparently shame and rejection are the best way to make you a functional human being.  
Sasuke eventually leaves to join his teammates, and the worst part is.  
Naruto actually follows him.

  
He could lie to himself and say its for survival purposes, after all, the raven has been keeping him alive for days now. But the truth is, now that his feelings have been exposed, they are completely obsessing him. Like his skin has been peeled off and he’s left raw and exposed. The feeling like a lighthouse giving him somewhere to go, in the middle of an otherwise very dark sea. And although he would prefer not to feel the pain and embarrassment of interacting with his ex teammate now, he’s not sure he could handle being away from him either.

  
So he follows him, a few steps behind. Sasuke lets him.  
Karin meets them with two other men. One very tall with hair the color of sand, and one slimmer with blue hair and weird pointy teeth. The second one takes one look at Naruto and smiles like its his birthday. "So the little bird is coming with us too ? Did he beg you ? He looks like he’s been crying."  
Naruto frowns "Shut the fuck up."  
The other smiles even more "Oh look, he actually talks now !"  
The blond looks away and refuses to answer. The guy approaches him, clearly not done bugging him.  
"Is it true that you’re the Kyubi’s host ? Wow, I thought they would have picked a taller dude."  
The Uzumaki is in no mood for this shit. He can’t use his chakra but punching the weird guy in the face in good enough for him. The other man did not expected it and his nose makes a satisfying noise when it comes in contact with the blond’s first. The guy is startled for a a few seconds and then grabs him by the neck, his watery chakra flaring up around them both. Naruto tries to summon his own chakra but its just not there, and he feels his knees weakening with the strength it takes him to try.

  
"Enough, Suigetsu." Sasuke says, not even looking away from the map he’s holding. But it’s all it takes for the guy to immediately let go of him. Despite his obedience, Suigetsu’s face shows his anger. "No wonder the fox has abandoned you. I wouldn’t want to be inside of you either." He tells him.  
"Suigetsu." Sasuke warns coldly, and the man walks away without adding more.  
Naruto takes the opposite direction. He needs to put some space between him and those people. It's hard enough to see Sasuke with another team.

He’s quite worried to be getting away from Sasuke, but he will probably be able to find him even if they leave without him. He knows where they are going too. He remembers ba-chan telling him about the Kage’s summit.

  
It’s getting colder and colder, as they are marching north. He realizes that the Uchiha gave him his cape. His heart clenches at the thought, even though the man must be able to keep warm just using his impressive chakra.  
Naruto brings the clothe to his nose and inhale the deep scent of ashes and blood. Then he blushes intensely when he realizes what he’s just done. Really, since when has he became such a fanboy.

  
_Always, really_ , he tells himself. How many of his friend have expressed their worries about his obsession for the raven ? Sasuke has always been part of his life goals. Naruto is deeply conscious that he should have gotten over him a long time ago. But after his betrayal, and the first time he almost killed him, he knows that all he could do to him will not change his feelings. Sasuke will probably murder him eventually, and he’ll be in love until his last second of existence.  
It is sad, but still the happiest thing he can think about right now.

  
_"I’ll fuck you if it makes you stop being a melodramatic bitch"_  
He shivers, not because of the cold.

  
Sasuke had always been contradictory in so many ways. Ruthless but careful and soft, his savior and his killer, his friend and his rival. And yesterday he had almost made love to him in the most hateful way he could. Naruto is just happy he had the will to stop him.  
He lingers on that thought.

Does he want Sasuke, in that way ? His stomach aches at the idea, and he feels hot in an unpleasant way.

Since when ?  
It’s a lot to take in. Not only is he in love with the Uchiha, which fine, he might have always known that to some extent, but he wants him in a sexual way too ?

Too lost in thoughts, Naruto doesn’t notice immediately the unknown chakra approaching. Fortunately, he still manages to avoid the kunai aiming for his head. A man wearing a brown outfit, with green hair and a scratched headband from the land of iron, drops from the trees, and in front of him. "Konoha ninja." he spits.  
Naruto brings a hand to his forehead realizing that he is still wearing his own headband "Not really." he tells the rogue ninja. But the guy doesn’t listen and wields his longsword. Naruto rolls to the ground to avoid the first jab, and takes a few step back. He can’t do much without his own chakra, and if he escaped if would risk bringing an enemy to the Uchiha, who would certainly kill the man. He doesn’t want that.

  
As the man attacks him again and again relentlessly, Naruto is rapidly exhausted. His wound is still healing, he has barely moved those last few days and his body feels awkward and weak. Plus it’s not completely his anymore since Kurama is gone.  
He jumps from the tree on which he was hidden and lands on the ground badly, loosing his equilibrium and falling on his ass. The rogue ninja approaches him with a victorious grin, and Naruto starts crawling background. If he could just find a rock which he could use as a weapon, it might give him some time. As he looks around, he hears the man scream, a spine-chilling, alarming scream.

  
He knows before he turns his head that Sasuke just killed the guy. And indeed, the raven is right there, holding a black mushy form by what used to be a neck, big black flames rolling from the corpse and on the green grass. Only one second later and there is only one man, surrounded by fire.  
The Uchiha walks to him and Naruto’s survival reflexes are good enough that he keeps crawling backward, his lizard brain telling him to run, run, _run_.  
Sasuke gets to him pretty easily though, and puts a hand behind his shoulders and knees to lift him of the ground easily.

  
"Are you hurt ?" He asks, and upon realizing that he’s not planning to turn him into crispy black chips right now, Naruto forces himself out of his stupor. "Why the hell did you kill that guy ? And let go of me bastard !" He tries to squirm out the other’s grasp, but Sasuke just holds him tighter.  
"You’ll be reduced to ashes, idiot, _Amaterasu_ burns everyone except me."

  
Naruto thinks it’s a really fitting jutsu for the Uchiha, sadly enough. "I said no more touching !" He yells, and start punching Sasuke’s torso.  
The other sighs, and jumps on a high tree branch. He then drops Naruto on it. The blond still weak legs almost give out as he stumbles backward. The Uchiha grabs his arm to stabilize him until he sits down. "I’ll carry you back." He says.  
"Fuck off" Naruto responds. "I just need a minute."  
Sasuke squats next to him.

The Uzumaki observes the dark flames spreading underneath them, leaving only dry, dead, dust behind. His senjutsu abilities make him able to hear all the animals and insects escaping as far away as they can as the biosphere quickly communicates its distress.  
"I really hate this justu." The blond comments out loud.  
He expected no answers, so he’s not surprised when he gets none. When he turns his head he notices that Sasuke is staring at him. It makes him blush. His sharingan is still activated, which gives him an even more imposing look than usual. Naruto still can’t figure out why people were scared of his bijuu, but not of Sasuke’s eyes.

  
Kurama..

  
He touches his headband again, feeling the familiar metal, and leaf symbol carved there. He pulls on it, untying it, and holds it up in the air.  
If he lets it fall now, it would be eaten by the fire in a second, and gone forever.  
"You’ll regret it." Sasuke says, as if reading is thought.

  
"You gave up on yours, didn’t you ? Did you regret it ?" The blond asks.  
"No, but it’s different. I never wanted it in the first place."  
Naruto wonders, if even after all that happened he could still one day miss his village. If he will even live that long.  
"I don’t know what happened, but i’m sure Iruka didn’t betray you. And it’s his, isn’t it ?"

  
Naruto remembers when he had been offered it, as a symbol of recognition and affection from his sensei, how happy he had been at the time. He clutches the headband on his chest. His vision becomes blurry as tears fill his eyes. He really hopes that Iruka, and Kakashi, and all the others are fine right now. God, he hopes his escape didn’t put them in danger.  
After a while, he puts the headband in his pocket and wipes his face with his sleeve.  
"Thank you." He tells Sasuke, after they have jumped on the ground.  
The man just starts walking back towards the others, slowly enough that Naruto can follow on his weak legs.  
The Uzumaki just watches the Uhciha’s back, feeling peaceful in that instant. Even with the smell of burnt flesh still in the air, he can’t help being comforted by Sasuke’s presence.


	5. You deserve me but you don't want me

Naruto is clearly slowing them down. 

Karin must have been ordered to stay behind him, because no matter how much he stumbles and pauses to catch his breath, she's always there. 

 

Sometimes Naruto thinks it would be easier if Sasuke really was the monster he pretends to be.

 

If he hadn't saved him. If he hadn't been helping him. If he hadn't been holding back on his insults, calling him names almost affectionate compared to what the adults could say. 

What makes Naruto want to curl up in a ball and cry, is knowing that he didn't do it because he loves him. He did it because, somewhere between being born and having everything taken from it, Sasuke was raised by a kind mother and a loving brother. And it sticked, no matter the layers of darkness on it, that little boy underneath is still there.

It hurts so much, when you realize that the person that you love is indeed worthy of all of it. Because they won't help you because they care, they'll do it because they can.

 

He's not trying to jump from tree to tree anymore, running on the floor in the midst of the steam his breath makes in the cold.

  
And for all Naruto wants to believe he's the better one, he's not like that. He had to construct it, this savior persona. It's an act, covering hatred and mistrust. He would rather die for those people than let them know how much they broke him. 

That's why Sakura loved the Uchiha. A boy who would say he hates you but still save your life. And a boy who will say he loves you but will let you die. 

  
Naruto wishes he was the better man.

But even now, he's just whining about how the raven won't love him back. He's still profiting from Sasuke's incapacity to overcome his feeling of duty towards others. But it's so hard, to try and convince himself that he'll be fine on his own, even as the man he loves is taking care of him in a way no one ever did. 

 

One day, Sasuke will be able to let go and finally kill him. 

 

God. Fuck. He didn't needed this. In the midst of not deserving to live, not deserving to be loved too. That's a lot. 

 

He stumbles again and this time his legs give out and he falls. As soon as he tries to stand up his body start shaking uncontrollably in protest. Karin grabs his elbow. "Are you serious ? What the hell is wrong with you ?"

Naruto feels something warm on his face. Is he crying ? 

"You're bleeding." The woman says, and true enough little droplets of red start falling in the snow. He wipes his nosebleed with his arm, but it won't stop. 

"You need to start making chakra again, fuck, you're dead meat. I can't believe Sasuke got hurt protecting you."

"Sasuke got hurt ?" As soon as he opens his mouth, a mix of saliva and blood comes out of it and runs on his chin. Karin frowns in disgust. "Don't you know ? He had to stop a kunai with his arm. He wouldn't tell me why." 

Naruto doesn't remember. He hadn't been looking when Sasuke appeared.

 

"What happened ?" The Uchiha crouches in front of him. His skin is almost as pale as the snow, and with his black hair framing his face like this, he looks.. Poetic. 

"His chakra is getting weaker again. His immune system is starting to die out now."

He's expecting to get scolded again. He's not expecting the hand on his forehead. It's cold, it feels good. Naruto leans into it a little. 

"You have a fever, moron. Why didn't you say it ?"

The blond slips his hand under the raven's cape, grabbing his left arm, looking for a wound. With his hand still on his head, Sasuke pushes him back. "Why didn't you say you're wounded ?" Naruto's voice sounds weird, like he's underwater. He reaches out again and finally finds the thick bandage on Sasuke's right arm. He rolls up his sleeve until he can touch it. The Uchiha lets him. "Is it deep ? Does it hurt ?" 

The other doesn't say anything. Naruto frowns, "Answer me bastard." The familiar nickname comes easily.  
Sasuke runs his hand over the blond's mouth. "Your blood in freezing on you, moron." He whispers. 

The bandage seems fine. And the way the muscle moves, Naruto can tell the cut must been superficial. He feels relieved. It makes him sleepy.

He lets himself fall against Sasuke's chest, closing his eyes. The raven pushes him back violently and he falls on his back with a surprised scream. "Bastard !"

"Don't fall asleep. I'll let you die. Stand up."

It's a struggle to stumble to his feet. The world is blurry and unstable around him. But he stands there proudly. "Let's go." he says.  
He tries to walk, but everything becomes white like the snow swallowed the landscape.

He passes out. 

 

He wakes up on a bed, inside a small room made of clear wood. He's not bleeding anymore, but he still feels lightheaded from it. He must have been sleeping for a while because it's dark outside, the place only lighted by the fireplace and a candle on the nightstand. 

Sasuke is reading on a chair next to his bed. He doesn't seem to have noticed that Naruto is awake yet. 

 

The blond throws his pillow at him. The other man catches it easily, but for a second he seems surprised. Naruto laughs. He's not sad anymore, he feels a lot better actually. "Hey, bastard." He tries to sit down, but bile rises in his throat and he has to lie down again. "Are we having a sleepover ?"

Sasuke frowns. 

"Damn, it's really hot in here." He pushes the blanket aside, feeling sweaty and gross. "Reminds me of the forest of death. Fuck, that place was so humid. Tropical. You could almost drink the air, right ?"

Still no answers. 

"You don't remember ? Well I guess it's been a long time.. I wonder if.."

"Shut up." The raven interrupts him. Then he stands up and walks out the room. 

Well. Nothing new there. 

Later, a young woman comes in. She's a nurse, her name is Myra. She helps him clean up and drink some water. Apparently, Sasuke brought him in an hospital. She's very kind but her face is sad as she tells him that he's not getting better, no matter how much blood they transfused him. Naruto shrugs and smiles and tell her not to worry. He'll be fine. She nods and leaves without answering.

 

He alternatively reads and sleep for the next few days. Sasuke doesn't come back but Myra is here every day, making sure he stays hydrated altough he still can't eat without throwing up everything. She brushes his hair, dresses him, and helps him drink when he has no strength to lift the glass. He doesn't ask for Sasuke, no matter how much he wants to.

 

Eventually though, the raven shakes him awake in the middle of the night. Naruto yawns and smile upon recognizing his ex-teammate. "I missed you." He tells him honestly. 

The Uchiha frowns "You're dying."

The blond laughs "I'll be fine. How is your wound ?" Naruto reaches out for the other's arm again but Sasuke slaps his hand away. With how weak his muscles are, it actually hurts. "Come on, don't be a child, let me check on you." He tries to move but he has no more strength. 

"You're happy." It sounds accusatory. Like Sasuke wants to argue. "I'm sorry." He doesn't know why he's apologizing, he just doesn't want the man to be angry at him. "Let me just see that you healed alright."

He needs some time, but eventually he manages to get a hold of Sasuke's hand. He doesn't wear long sleeves inside, and the bandage is gone. A slim pink scar remains, but it'll probably disappear completely. Naruto sighs, contented, as he touches the skin there. "I'm glad you're strong." He tells him. "Before, I was jealous. But now, I think it's great that you won't bleed easily. You should still be careful though." Sasuke is really reckless, always throwing himself in front of others like that. 

Naruto has an urge to say those things now. It seems silly to keep them a secret. He's not scared of Sasuke's hatred and rejection. Even as the raven pulls his hand away and leave, he feels happy knowing that he'll come back. 

 

Myra helps him sit in a chair and brings him near the window. It's snowing heavily outside, it's really pretty. She wraps him in a big blanket and adds wood to the fire. He's been feeling cold lately, but at least he is not feverish anymore. 

Sasuke is back, sitting of the window's edge. There are traces of blood on his cape, and the smell of death enters the room with him. But Naruto doesn't want to argue. "Do you think they'll be late to Kage's meeting ? Ba-chan hates the snow, it makes her skin dry or something." 

"Naruto."

Sasuke rarely calls him by his name. He probably wants to talk about death again. Naruto doesn't want to. Considering it's him who is dying, he should have the right to decide the conversation's topic right ? 

Even silence would be fine. He likes just looking at the Uchiha sometimes. When the Uchiha doesn't focus on anything his eyes shift all the time in a multitude of micro-expressions. Someone else wouldn't notice, but Naruto can just tell because he's been staring at him for years. His hair is a bit wet from the snow that melted there. It's very cute. 

"Will you kiss me ?" The blond asks. "Just this one time."

"No." 

Naruto nods, it's fine, he can't make him. He smiles. But it does make him upset, because Sasuke will always have the power to make him upset. 

"I still have your headband. It's with mine in my stuff."

"I won't take them."

"Yeah I know. But if you ever want to, they're there."

Sasuke's teeth clenches in anger. "You don't get to make me inherit anything. You're not my family."

"I'm your friend."

"You're not my friend either. Naruto. You'll never be my friend."

The blond shakes his head "That's not your decision." 

He's alone again. Holding on to the window's edge. 


	6. Loving you is a slow death

"She's dead." Naruto is aware that this is not a nice way to start a conversation. But he doesn't have much time left, and Sasuke should know that.

The raven is standing a few feet away from him. He seems unbothered by the snow that reaches his calves. He looks like a shadow. Black hair, black coat, black shoes, standing out brutally against the winter landscape. With that poetic beauty that the ninja world is sadly lacking. 

Naruto had asked Myra to take him outside. She didn't tell him that it's too dangerous for his health. She pushed his unmoving body on a chair and in the garden and said nothing. 

It's freezing but the blond doesn't mind. The cold goes through and in him like he's not even there, he doesn't even shiver.  
"Who's dead ?" Sasuke asks after a while. He seems annoyed to be forced to talk. That makes Naruto smile a little.

"It was my fault. I couldn't protect her." The Uzumaki is tired, but in a nice way. Like he's dreaming but still holding hands with reality at the same time.

"Are you talking about Sakura ?"

The blond nods. He's looking at Sasuke's back, wary that the raven might react unexpectedly to the news. But nothing happens, expect that the Uchiha still won't turn in his direction. Naruto wonders if that's punishment. If Sasuke can tell how starved he is for his attention, how much he wants to be stared at right now.

"Is that why you're killing yourself ? To make it fair ?" The Uchiha still sounds mildly annoyed. 

Naruto frowns. "I'm sick."

That does make Sasuke look at him. The blond could almost cry in relief. "You're not sick. You stopped creating chakra, and now your whole body is just ceasing to function."

There is a pause, but Naruto has no answer to that. He doesn't know, just doesn't know how to create chakra anymore. Can't Sasuke understand that ? It's like willing your heart to start beating again after it has stopped, it's not something he can decide.

"I don't care that Sakura is dead." The words are colder than the snow, colder than the ice that makes the tree branches shine in the morning's sunlight.

"She was your friend."

Not a singles snowflake moves, but one second later Sasuke is right above him, squeezing his throat with bruising force.

"Stop it with this. I. Am. Not. Your. Friend."

Naruto doesn't fight it, although his lungs immediately hurt like millions of small bubble are exploding near the soft tissues. He can still make his teammate react with only his words. And that shows that Sasuke can still be saved. "I want you to be happy." He says when Sasuke has stepped back and he's coughed all the blood in his lungs.

"You have no idea what happiness is." Sasuke says harshly. "All you want is the approval of others. You never did anything for yourself."

"You're wrong." Naruto reaches out to take Sasuke's hand. It's so warm and soft, and pliant in the way the person can't be. "I was happy when I was with you. I never did anything to please you but you still saved me. It's fine that you hate me, as long as you're alive there'll be one person who will never leave."

"I left."

"You're here."

Naruto is really smiling now. He knows that Sasuke has nothing to answer to that. Because he may have abandoned and betrayed Konoha, but he never left him. This link between them, whether it's from Sasuke's sense of duty or buried empathy, it's still there.

The Uchiha squeezes his hand slightly. "Are you never going to hate me ? Not matter what I do to you ?"

Naruto swallows some remaining blood. "Do you still wonder ? Of course not. I would love you even if you murdered me."

There is an expression on Sasuke's face. A contraction of muscles that the blond can not recognize as anything familiar.

"Too bad Sakura is already dead. I would have killed her to make you let go."

Naruto lets go of his hand. He huffs a sad laugh. "You're such a bastard."

 

* * *

 

It's not until Myra start rubbing his skin with lavender to "make it more confortable for him because she really doesn't mind." that Naruto realizes.

He smells terrible.

He can not tell, his sense of smell must be gone, but clearly it's bad enough that his nurse is potpourri-ing him.

"You're rotting from the inside." Sasuke has developped a skill to point out the obvious lately. Naruto doesn't know what to think of it.

"I smell like a flower." He protests jokingly, although it never works with the Uchiha.

"She said you have at most two days left." By "she" he means Myra, Naruto guesses. It's interesting that she gives those informations to Sasuke. But after all, he did bring him there when he was unconscious, and probably paid for all the help and medicine he got there. For them, Sasuke must be related to him in some way.  
Naruto likes the idea of what they might think, even if it's selfish.

Although this can't last longer.

"You can leave." He says to Sasuke. And he detects the surprise that those words causes. It makes him want to push it a little. "You should leave. This place. And never come back."

"Why ?" The raven asks.

"Because I don't want you to see me die."

Sasuke frowns. Naruto feels obligated to explain. "You've seen the dead bodies of your whole clan. And you killed your brother. I won't be another trauma on this list."

"Even if you don't care about me." He adds before Sasuke can interrupt. "Even if you hate me. It's still not fair for you to stay here."

Sasuke sits on the edge of his bed. The closeness makes Naruto's heart beat faster, with the memories of hands on his body and teeth devouring his lips.

"Still with the hero complex ? Saving me from myself ?"

The Uchiha looks at window, at something too far away for Naruto to distinguish, then adds. "Will you spare yourself of no pain ?"

Naruto can't tell why that makes him cry, but big tears fall on his cheeks as what's left of his heart contracts painfully. It's worth so much to him. That Sasuke is able to acknowledge the amount of suffering he has been through. That he made himself endure to be recognized as a human being by others. That the Uchiha was never fooled by his goofiness, was always like a mirror for something he didn't want to see. 

"Please let me save you from my death. That's the only thing I'll ever be capable of doing for you." He sobs loudly and Sasuke turns. He stares at him. With no softness and no mercy.

"No."

"Why ?" It's difficult to breath, as if the Uchiha was strangling him again. The blond is worried he might pass out before he hear the answers. Black dots obscure his vision already and he feels the world moving backward.

"Because I want to see you die. When I burn Konoha to the ground, I'll tell them I saw it and I did nothing to stop it."

As his eyes roll in the back of his head, he hears the last words he would ever hear from his best friend.

"And neither did they. And you died alone."


	7. No one can touch him but me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys ! We're almost at the end of this story. I don't write notes often, but I wanted to thanks everyone who took the time to write a review, it's really great to know what you guys are thinking as it unfolds. It was a lot of angst, this story, but it's going to become a bit more hopeful now I hope !  
> Also thanks to anyone reading this even if you're too shy ;) hope you enjoy it !

Naruto passes out. His still half-open mouth makes his shallow breathing audible. It sounds like crushed leaves because of his bloody lungs. Sasuke sits there for a while, waiting for the blond to wake up and start annoying him again with his endless banter. 

  
He told him he would destroy Konoha, expecting it to make the hero-complex-moron flare up with the will to stop him. But he didn't. It seems no amount of provocation will make Naruto snap at him this time. 

 

He stands up and grabs the blond by the shoulders, shaking him roughly. "Wake up. Wake up, idiot. Moron." But the eyes won't open. He let's go of the teenager's body and it falls back on the mattress like a rag doll. 

 

This is annoying him. Annoying him even more than the time the ex-jinchuriki passed out it the snow and stopped breathing until Karin gave him her chakra. He feels his hands shake. "Nurse." He calls, loud and coldly enough than the young girl who's been taking care of Naruto hurries up inside the room. 

 

She places her hand above the man and scans his body, light green chakra coming out of her hand. She lowers them slowly on the blond's chest, looking sad as she turns to face Sasuke. "It's his brain. It's starting to deteriorate as well. He probably won't wake up. I can wash him, prepare him for.."

The Uchiha doesn't hear the rest of it as he's jumped through the window. 

 

There is no point in staying if Naruto doesn't know he's here. 

It was useless from the start, why loose so much time with this moron ?  
He had been curious, as to why the ninja best known for his determination has lost all of it so quickly. Of course it was Sakura. Of course Naruto thinks it's his fault. Of course he's killing himself over it. Why the village seems to have betrayed him in some way though, Sasuke will never know. But it doesn't change anything, this village will be burned by his hands anyway. 

 

He doesn't owe him anything. He saved Naruto's life countless times only to be rewarded with having him stuck to him like gum. Always nagging him to come back, always telling him that they're friends. He fucking hates him. 

 

His legs give out under his weight and he falls on the snow covered ground. He doesn't understand why until he realizes that he's not breathing anymore. He forces the air in, breathing hard and long until he's hyperventilating. Tears fall on his hands, and he can't stop it, he can't stop it, he can't stop it.  
What's happening to him ?

He had tried, making Naruto get out of his lethargy. Kissing and bruising and somewhat keeping him warm and fed until he could make him move again, like a broken bird. He would have send him away until he could kill him in a fair fight. But this. 

This isn't right. 

 

Sasuke shakes his head, trying to reason himself. Who cares how he dies ? What matters is that he'll be dead, and won't bother him or try to stop him anymore. Good riddance. 

 

He tries to stand up again but the pain in his chest is pinning him down. This hasn't happened to him since..

Since his brother died.

  
But Naruto isn't his brother. He isn't his brother, and he isn't his family, and he isn't his friend, he is..

 

 

_"Why ? Why do I love you so much ?"_ Sky-blue eyes full of tears, messy blond hair, hands clenched on his heart. 

 

 

Sasuke had no answer to give him. He had never tried to make Naruto love him. The kid was just there. Looking so alone, and so sad, whenever he thought no one would notice. But Sasuke had noticed. So he would just let him exist in his general surroundings. Wouldn't push him away. All he did was fight back whenever Naruto provoked him, and that would replace the pain in his eyes with determination. 

 

But Naruto was moving fast, so fast that it took a lot a Sasuke's attention to stay in his orbit. Far all his loudness and presence, Naruto was fleeting. Scared to be actually noticed, in a way that would show the darkness inside him. But he had treated Sasuke like a constant. Knowing he would never hate him past the disdain he had for everyone. He'd gotten louder and brighter until the Uchiha would look at him, react to him, give him what he wanted.

 

It distracted Sasuke from his grief. Sparring with him, watching over him, saving him. Naruto sucked at everything he did, like he could never adjust himself to other, even the simplest things had to be explained to him. So Sasuke did that too. Because it was easy for him, everything was always easy for him. 

 

And he had been so busy making sure he wouldn't fall too far behind, dragging him along, that he hadn't realized that Naruto was becoming better than him. That had enraged him, that Naruto wouldn't need him anymore, that he wasn't becoming strong fast enough.

 

Maybe that's why, upon finding Naruto powerless and dying, he couldn't stop himself from trying to help. Like an old reflex, to not let that stupid weak kid behind. And while he was taking care of him, again, his grief disappeared. He had the urge to make Naruto better again, to repeat the same pattern once more. He had thought that if the man would just focus on him, his wounds would heal. Like it did for Sasuke. 

 

But where is the truth in that ? 

 

Is he lying to himself ? 

 

His head hits the ground with a resonating bang, grabbing a handful of snow, he tries to understand his own feelings. Admit them before they eat him alive. Before they suffocate him completely. 

 

He had been _obsessed_ with Naruto. How he could be so alive after everything that happened to him ? It had made Sasuke hope that, after he killed his brother, when everything would be said and done, he could go back to being a somewhat functional human being. 

 

But then gradually, Naruto had started to rip it off him. The anger, the sadness, the joy. He would crash against him so hard that everything would just come out. Painfully, like ripping off a band-aid. He would push and pull at him until Sasuke would react like a kid, yelling and laughing. They would grab each others by their clothes and punch without bruising like two toddlers playing fight. They would touch with confidence and familiarity, maneuvering each others around their battles and during practice. 

  
And it had felt so good. To realize that everything, everything he thought Itachi had taken from him was still there. His ability to have fun, and trust others. Pretend like they don't know how terrible the world really is. He had slept next to Naruto, exposed his neck and back and chest to him countless times. Despite their rivalry, it had been obvious to them both that they wouldn't really hurt each others. 

 

But it had became too much for Sasuke. This irresistible desire to be vulnerable to this boy. To get to know him more, and become his best friend. It was driving him away from his revenge. How much he wanted him. 

  
He just wanted to.. Wanted to..

 

Wanted to stay by his side. 

* * *

 

 

Tsunade almost has an heart attack when the Uchiha kid appears in front of her. Kakashi, Yamato and Torune are already preparing their chakra as the giant bird lands in front of them. But Sasuke approaches them with both his hands raised and unarmed. 

When he gets close enough that they can see the blond head on his shoulder, they all start running towards him as well. 

Naruto is strapped to his back, barely breathing. Tsunade immediately lies him down in the snow and starts healing his failing organs as Sasuke grabs Kakashi by the throat. 

"What happened to him ? Why is he letting himself die like this ? What has the village done ?"

"Sasuke.."

"We don't have time for this." She interrupts. "Carry him back on the bird, we need to bring him to Konoha, I'll need my tools or he'll actually die." 

That stops Sasuke from killing anyone for now. His chakra is terrifying, even for an experienced shinobi like her. She has no idea why he decided to save Naruto's life, but she would rather not make him change his mind. "Kakashi, go to the meeting in my name. Tell them we found Naruto and I'm bringing him back."

 

* * *

 

 

Sasuke is leaning on the wall of the hospital chamber, his arm crossed on his chest. The relaxed stand doesn't make Tsunade less nervous. His eyes are so cold, and his chakra fills the entire room, making the air thick and dangerous. For a rogue ninja, he's really good at it. Being a ninja. Perfectly motionless, focused on his task to protect Naruto.

 

He had decided to stay near him during the whole time, which no one had dared to question. Konoha will still try to lock him up, eventually, but right now he saved the village's hero. That will give hime some time. 

It was messy and unclean, but he had infused so much of his own chakra inside the blond's body Tsunade is surprised that he can still stand up. 

 

She knows he tried to kill Naruto before. Which is why she's so confused as to how he found himself saving his life. She had guessed from Naruto's obsession with him that their relationship was anything but simple. But seeing as Sasuke violently pushes aside the nurse when she tries to change the bandage on Naruto's torso and hisses a "No one can touch him." then starts doing it himself, it's not a one-sided thing either. 

 

"It's fine Yumi, thank you, you can let him do it." The girl leaves immediately, getting away from the scary shinobi. 

She sits and watches Sasuke carefully cover the scars on the blond's chest where she made the seal. He's good at it. Although not as good as..

She shakes her head. She can't be thinking about her right now, that's too painful, and she already drinks too much. At least Naruto is back. For now.

"Don't you want to know what happened, then ?" She asks. The Uchiha looks at her with his focused gaze, giving no answer but prompting her to talk all the same. 

"Madara attacked the village. Yes, your ancestor, we thing he's currently controlling the Akatsuki too. He wanted to take the Kyubi. But the transfer was too brutal. It exploded everywhere, hurting a lot of people, and the chakra ended up being transferred not only inside Madara but also… Sakura."

She doesn't know what to do with Sasuke's lack of reactions. Hoping he's still listening and not plotting an immediate revenge, she continues.

"Me, Kakashi and Naruto, we were all unconscious at the time. But Sakura was apparently a ticking time-bomb. The chakra was making her unstable and dangerous. The root and the elders decided to kill her to save the village."

Needless to say, Tsunade had been enraged when she had learned. But there was nothing she could do against them, they just had too much power in the politics of the village. Danzo had made it clear how little control she really has over it. 

"Naruto woke up and left with his wounds still open. He couldn't accept that such a decision had been taken and the villagers had not opposed it. We couldn't find him since."

Silence. He finishes wrapping Naruto in gaze and puts the blanket back on his sleeping form. 

"Is he going to be okay now ?" He finally asks. 

She swallows nervously. Damn, this kid really doesn't give a damn about anyone except that boy. "We took all the Kyubi chakra that we got from Sakura and put it back inside him, although Madara still has a big part of it, it should help his body stabilize. As for making him create chakra, I don't know how to do that. I'm not sure it's something that anyone but him can decide."

They both look at the blond teenager, lying down in the middle of the beeping machines, several tubes stuck in his arm. He looks so fragile, so vulnerable right now. She can't believe that they almost lost him. Because they couldn't control the power battles of the village, because they couldn't help him deal with his grief.

Looking at Sasuke, she wonders if someone as powerful than him.. If he could do better. 


	8. Please don't, I'll fall for you even more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the last one ! Thank you for reading this, don't hesitate to give me your opinion.   
> Love yaaaaaa

Kurama.  
It's the first thought Naruto has as he slowly regains consciousness. He feels it, the chakra inside of him, mending his organs, mixing with his own energy. Or what's left of it.   
The fox also feels very weak, almost like an echo. None of them can materialize themselves in his head, but there is a voice.

"It's time to wake up, kiddo."

I can't.

I'm too tired.

"You're in pretty bad shape, but it's nothing we can't fix."

Don't bother.  
"I'm pretty sure you don't have a choice."

 

It's true. Kurama's is not the only chakra flooding in his veins. Something else runs through him and it burns. It shocks his heart into beating, his lungs into filling, his brain into thinking. It feels a lot more dangerous and chaotic than the energy he's used to hosting, and he reflexively want to fight against the control it takes over its body, filling it and animating it like a puppet.  
And to do that, Naruto has to make his own chakra.

 

After all those weeks of being unable to do it, it feels so natural. There is no part of him that doesn't want to spare with Sasuke, especially now that their battle ground is him. Having Kurama back also helps.

  
In Naruto's mind, it happens really quickly, but he has no idea how long it takes in reality.

But at some point, he can feel a presence. And his ninja instincts tells him that he should definitely open his eyes and look at that person.

  
Sasuke is sitting on a chair next to his bed. 

Bed ? 

Naruto looks at the familiar ceiling of Konoha's hospital. Last time he was there, it was Kakashi sitting in that chair, telling him his friend is dead.

He doesn't want to think about that, doesn't want to be awake after all..

"Naruto."

Sasuke is closer now, closing his hand around the blond's wrist. The pale fingers of the Uchiha circle him all the way, he must have lost a lot of weight.

"Look at me."

Sasuke hasn't changed. He's wearing the same black clothes, and has the same dark hair and onyx eyes, both scary and fascinating.  
But he's different. 

His mouth is just a little less contracted, and his eyes seem rounder like he's.. 

Relaxed. 

It worries Naruto immediately, he doesn't want Sasuke to let go of his anger and become soft and dead like him. He tries to talk but his mouth feels like a paper bag.

 

True to himself, his rival doesn't bring him water. But he reaches out for his head and..

 

Naruto must have died after all because there is no way this is happening.

 

Sasuke runs his finger through his hair. Just the tip. Lightly. Barely brushing his skull, like a gust of wind. Like anything more than that would break him.

Naruto doesn't know what to do, except lie here and let the Uchiha touch him. The softness in Sasuke's facial expression is too complicated for his weak brain to handle, and he closes his eyes. 

 

When he wakes up again, his skin feels sticky and uncomfortable. He dazedly pushes the blanket on the floor, feeling the cool breeze of the open window refresh him. 

 

There is the sound of someone folding the fallen sheet, which makes him realize he is still not alone. 

Sasuke is still here. He's wearing different clothes, dark blue with the red symbol of the Uchiha clan on the chest, so it's been more than a day. There is a glass of water on Naruto's nightstand and he grabs it to drink. He feels shockingly better, siting against the headrest to better look at his old rival. Someone took off his shirt though, so he can see how much his strength faded. His chest is almost concave from how skinny he is. 

"You never left." He sounds smug, even to his own ears. He remembers the promise of dying alone, and even now it's a panic he can only hide with arrogance. 

Sasuke opens the backpack placed on the chair, which indicates that it's not where he was sitting. Naruto has a feeling he was somewhere very close to him before he woke up. A memory of something warm hovering above him. 

He takes out two headbands, and places them on Naruto's laps.

It's his and Sasuke's, although his is broken in two halves in the middle of the leaf symbol. 

Naruto curiously inspects the crack. It's clearly deliberate. 

"I broke it." The Uchiha explains. "I was angry."

"Why ?" 

"You were dead."

"I was ?" Naruto doesn't remember dying. If that's the case, he's disappointed that he hasn't met with either of his parents like last time.

Sasuke nods. "You're fine now." He hesitates, highly unusual for the raven, "You can have mine if you want."

Naruto takes the other headband, which is intact, except from the crack in the middle and the few loose threads from having been carried around by the blond too much. Unlike his, it has no history. It was not given by a loved ones. Because Sasuke's loved ones are all dead 

It's difficult to get his arms around the Uhciha's head, because of all the tubes in his arms, but the other man lowers himself to let him approach him. He ties the headband on his forehead. 

Naruto can feel himself smiling, a real smile. For the first time in a very long time.

"I can have mine fixed." He says.

Sasuke keeps his head down, and Naruto gets frustrated that he can't see his face. He grabs his chin and make him look at him.

He's crying. Small droplets of water escaping from the two back orbs. Naruto has never seen him cry before.

He hugs him. It's easy enough, not at all like he had imagined it. Sasuke is soft, and warm, and pliable. Goes along with it, lets his head rest on Naruto's shoulder. 

"What's wrong with you ?" The blond asks anxiously. 

Sasuke's arms wrap around his naked back, and Naruto can't help the shiver that goes through his body. 

He feels the Uchiha turn his head, pressing his face against his neck. There is a wetness there when he kisses him. 

Naruto pushes him back. "I told you not to do that." But Sasuke grabs his head and kisses his lips, soft and gentle. He tastes like salt, like he's been crying before. 

The Uzumaki moves away. "Sasuke. What's wrong with you ?"

Sasuke holds him carefully. Naruto feels the blood in his face. He must be so red. He can't ever be rational and adult with him. When it comes to the Uchiha, he is still the same enamored twelve years old boy. He hates it. "You already know how I feel so stop it."

"Do you love me ?" Sasuke asks. Like it's an easy question, with an easy answer. 

All the lightheadedness of slowly dying has left Naruto's brain. He doesn't want to talk about this anymore. It's not fair. "Stop it." He begs. 

Of course he doesn't. The Uchiha never listens to him. He's being kissed again, as fingers wrap around his neck. Naruto remembers being strangled by those same hands, but this time they lingers on his throat, and then move to his chest. 

Sasuke touches him so gently, he can't stop him, he can't breathe. 

"Are you okay ?" The Uchiha inquires against his lips, and it's all too much. 

Naruto cries, loud and ugly and gross, and grabs Sasuke's hair and cries in his mouth like he'll give him all of it. He pushes against Sasuke's chest, wants to pin him down and touch him while he's allowed. But the Uchiha grabs his shoulder. "You'll rip the needles off your arms." He's not crying anymore. His eyes are white and clear, all traces of vulnerability gone, and Naruto hates that it's so easy for him. 

But the Uchiha pushes him down instead and straddles him, careful not to put his weight on anything but the mattress. 

"Do you love me ?" He asks again, his fingers touching his chest, where he almost killed him six years ago. 

"Yes. Yes, I love you." Naruto sobs, wishing he could lie. 

Sasuke kisses him, barely grazing his lips with his. Then he starts pulling down his underwear. The blond grabs his wrist. "Don't."

"I killed the council." Sasuke says, his eyes cold and hard. "I killed everyone who was directly involved in my clan's murder. And I've brought all their schemes and all the shit they did to light. I can stay in the village."

Naruto is so taken aback that he lets the Uchiha undress him carefully. The man starts rubbing him and Naruto's breathing quickens, his body awakening with he motion. 

"I'll take care of you. You can go back to being the naive kid with an unstoppable faith in others. I'll be cynical for the two of us, I'll protect you."

He lowers his head and lick him once. "Cynicism doesn't suit you." He says. Then he takes him in his mouth completely, and Naruto's sobs turns into a moan. 

When he can catch his breathing, he asks. "Why ?"  
Sasuke stops, puts his weight on his forearms to bring them face to face. "I don't want you to die. I want you." He's holding his neck again, Naruto realizes he's feeling his pulse. "Alive. And obnoxious, annoying and loud, because it makes me want to be like you." 

"I can't do it. I couldn't save her." He dares to touch Sasuke's hands, because it feels too good to be allowed. 

"I couldn't save anyone. We're almost the only ones left. Don't abandon me too."

It sucks that Sasuke can manipulate him that easily, because of course Naruto wants to live for him. He grabs the other's head and brings their lips together, kissing hard, demanding more. Sasuke is touching him again and it makes his legs shake with need, but he can't move much.

It makes him feel vulnerable like back then, in the wheelchair in the snow, when he couldn't even sense the cold. "Tell me you love me." He demands, blinking the tears away from his eyes. 

Sasuke looks guilty in that instant, so guilty Naruto wants to apologize immediately. "I love you, I would even if you didn't needed me to." He leans in to whisper in his ear. "Because you did save me."

He grabs Sasuke's back when he comes, pushing him hard against his chest. He cries until he falls asleep.


	9. Too sad for a happy ending

The bed is empty when he wakes up. For a second, he tries to go back to sleep, but his heartbeat quickens before he can even understand why he's panicking. 

Did something happen to Sasuke ? 

He throws himself off the bed, the needles in his arms tearing the skin as he walks towards the door. The hallway becomes blurry and he has to lean against the wall, panting heavily. Pretty soon a familiar figure runs toward him. 

"Naruto, you're bleeding, what are you doing ?"

"Baa-chan.."

Tsunade takes a step towards him and he takes one back. 

"What happened to Sasuke ?"

She frowns, her hand spread out in front of her like she's waiting for him to pass out. 

"Sasuke ? He's probably not far.."

"I have to protect him. What did you do to him ?" 

He feels bad for the pain in her eyes, knows that what happened wasn't her fault, wasn't her decision. But too many Hokages have gotten away with that.

 

"Dobe, what the hell are you doing ?"

He turns around too fast and looses his balance, catching himself on Sasuke's extended forearms. He lets his head rest on the other's chest to catch his breathing. 

"I had a meeting with the anbu." The Uchiha explains, without waiting for Naruto to ask.

"Sasuke can you bring him back to his bed ? I'll have a nurse take care of his wounds." There is a lingering surprise in Tsunade's voice. 

The Uchiha doesn't answer but he sweeps him off his feet and does exactly that.

 

He's treated and washed and fed, and when Tsunade comes back she stays at the door, away from him. 

"You're recovering really well. Soon you'll be able to start working on regrowing your muscles and then you'll be ready."

"Ready for what ?" 

"To become Hokage."

 

Old Naruto would have jumped everywhere, filled with joy and excitement. Naruto frowns. "Why ?"

The woman sighs, running a hand on her face which looks way older, even though her ninjutsu is still effective. "The village acted irrationally when.. It all happened." She swallows with difficulty. "Now they're on your side again. People realized it was a bad decision. But I was the one in charge back then, so they want me out of the picture."

"It wasn't you fault." He says, finally, and the tension fades from her shoulder with relief.

"You made this a huge deal when you left, which at least finally raised the question of how we should treat ninjas and how much their life matters among the civilians. This is a great opportunity to change the system. But I'm seen as part of the older system, slow to react and under the root's control more often than not. We'll need a new face."

"Can't anyone else do it ?" Naruto doesn't know if he can take that kind of responsibility anymore.

"You represent this change for everyone now. You threw away your place as my apprentice, put yourself in considerable danger, publicly contradicted the elite, all for her. I know your feelings, but for the public this was a political symbol." 

"I'm.."

"If you still want my opinion." She smiles sadly. "The fact that you don't want it shows me that you're ready."

 

A week later, Naruto is allowed to start his work out. He spares with Sasuke every day, falling more than fighting. He gets to feel the careful press of flesh against flesh, the look on his rival's face when he surprises him. He talks with the Uchiha, about old memories and new ones, just to see how much he can make him react. It's thrilling, to feel like he's opening him up with claws and teeth, to see that Sasuke doesn't resist. 

 

He cries a lot at night, and the raven holds him through it. He's allowed to use Sasuke's body for confort and sex and possibly also for defense, and he's not broken enough that he can't see how unhealthy that is.

He doesn't even care.

 

They kill Madara, and stop whatever fucked up plan he had. Naruto gets Kurama back, and then he becomes Hokage, and there is a calm and sober party thrown by his friends. Because they understand the weight of it now. Kakashi finally goes back into service after two years of absence, on the same day. He hugs them both. They don't take a picture. 

 

Sasuke becomes his assistant. It works out pretty well, Naruto being the symbol of the peaceful protest against the old-fashioned ways, and the Uchiha making it clear that their movements could also radicalize and leave a trail of dead bodies. 

 

They make big changes, improve society and bring the longest time of peace the world has ever known. But that's not what makes Naruto happy again. 

 

What does is, seeing Sasuke smile again. The smell of coffee in the morning when he walks in their kitchen. How his hair feel when they're wet. The roughness of his skin when he shivers, and how softly he sobs when he cries. In the end, it matters more than every support letter that he gets from around the world. 

 

They cry often, like Sakura used to. She was fragile, emotional and honest. Suited for the new world they're building, one that doesn't ask ninjas to shut off their emotions until it fills them with rage. There is a little bit of her in every child born in their country. 

Sometimes it's good enough. And when it isn't, Sasuke reminds him that he'll be the one to die first this time. 

And Naruto trusts him.


End file.
